The Process of Detachment
Inspired by a conversation I had with a very good friend of mine who I believe is somewhat of a spiritual guru. When I'm feeling stuck with matters of a spiritual nature, she is the only person I can go to. So naturally, when we have disagreements about things of a spiritual nature, I start to question my own beliefs and go back to the drawing board to see if I went wrong somewhere. Don't get me wrong, doubt is a very good thing. One of two things can happen: either I realise I was wrong and I am able to correct my thinking or I find enough research to strengthen my case. Win-win situation. I don't do this with everybody because I am very committed to my convictions but if you have somebody like that in your life, you'd understand why you'd start to question your convictions.
I won't go into details of the conversation but essentially, I believe that detaching from the outcome of a desire is a necessary step in manifesting that desire. To her, what needs to be detached from is the process, the how, of getting what you want. Now I believe this as well. Sometimes we feel we want something and God or the law of attraction asks us to just state your intention, what it is you want and take the necessary steps that you can today. Even if you don't see how that outcome is possible from where you are right now, you must believe it can be achieved. That belief is what will ensure you take the first few steps without seeing or needing to know what the next few steps would be. The more you do is the more steps that will be uncovered. So most certainly I agree you should detach from wanting to know the details of how you're going to get there. Just do what you can and must TODAY.
In addition to that, I believe you must detach from the outcome. Let me give an example.
In Charlamagne's book, The Black Privilege (if you haven't bought it yet stop sleeping on you), he has a section called "fuck your dreams". And I believe it is so powerful but just to hear "fuck your dreams" or any variation of that puts people in defence mode. Very natural reaction to have. But because CThaGod is highkey my 21st century Jesus, I was willing to hear him out before I came to any conclusions. Growing up how and where he did, and seeing people who came from where he came from becoming these grand rap stars made him feel like he could be a rapper too. How you come into realising your dream is specific to you and your dream. Point is, he had his heart set on being a rapper. Charlamagne is somebody who EXUDES gratitude. It's on the nigga's socks. Literally. Somebody in that mental state is attached to nothing because he is grateful for everything he already has. That does not mean he is not striving for more, it just means that get it or not, he will still be satisfied.
In his journey to becoming a rapper, he ended up signing a deal and started going to this studio where he had some life changing moments. He met some life changing people. Had he not gone so hard for his dreams of being a rapper, he would not have been in that studio, meeting those people and experiencing those moments. Not being attached to the outcome of being a rapper, however, allowed him to take the lessons and experiences from that journey to propel him in a new direction. If he was hellbent on becoming a rapper, he would not have taken up the opportunities granted to him that led him down a different path. Now, even IF it was the case that he was meant to be a rapper, there might be a side journey that needed to be taken on whose outcome was not a rapper but there were lessons to be learnt that would help his rap career. If being a rapper was indeed his "destiny", then no matter what other paths or no matter how far he felt he strayed, or even when the goal itself changed, it would still lead back to the goal of being a rapper. These side journeys would not be possible if he was attached to the outcome. Without these side journeys, he would not become the best rapper he could be because he would not have learnt those lessons those side journeys taught.
What is my point? Detach from the outcome. This does not mean your desire for it must decrease. Your desire is what drives you to work hard. But there is a thin line between desire and obsession. Obsession says I MUST have it. That is ego. It is what I want and I MUST have it. That's not true. Yes it is what you want, but you must have it? Says who?
Detachment is simply making peace with the idea of not having something that you really want. Again, this does not mean you should not strive for it with all your might. Put simply, "I am at peace with what I have today; I am grateful for what I have right now; everything I have right now is enough." If at any point, you believe that your life is somehow sub-par or less satisfactory because it lacks something you believe is a necessary part of it, you are attached. The only thing you should be attached to is that which you cannot escape. That which you bring with you when you die. Which is what? You don't even bring your body with you. So you're definitely not bringing that job, that car, that person, that device, that anything with you.
By no means is this an easy process, especially if it is your first time coming across this concept.
If you've watched Avatar, in the scenes where he's opening his chakras, the guru asks him to detach from Katara. Naturally, he is defensive. Because however many chakras ago, he was asked to love her unconditionally. Desire is also something we sometimes confuse with unconditional love. Unconditional love means whether or not I have you, whatever the conditions are, whatever the circumstance is, I love you. Desire introduces emotional demands and expectations. There is nothing wrong with that, it just should not be confused with unconditional love. Unconditional love is not what drives us to stay with our partners or what tries to make friendships work. Unconditional love just is. Desire is what drives us to make conscious decisions about what we want for ourselves BASED on what we claim to love. You can love somebody you will never speak to again. You can love a dead person. Desire might make you wish you could have them back but that is not love.
What is difficult for many is learning those subtle differences and also the subtle difference between preference and obsession. Yes you would prefer a certain outcome but detachment ensures that you do not become obsessed with getting it in the sense that you feel you will not be fully at peace unless you have it. Obsession indicates you are not okay with not getting it. Now there is a very subtle difference here. Your attitude towards achieving something could be one of obsession. That incessant drive to get what you want. However, the focus of detachment is on your mental state and only on your mental state. So even if you see some advice out there saying you must be obsessed with your dreams or you must obsessed with your partner, don't take it as literal as it comes. Let your drive be of an obsessive person's drive but detach from the outcome by making peace with not having it and with never getting it.
The law of attraction is hellbent on ensuring that you do not try to change your inner world by changing your outer world. Your outer world is merely a reflection. Even when you decide to rearrange your room or tidy your room because you feel it will help clear you mind, there has already been some rearranging and cleansing in your mind that is driving you to make your outer world match it. You would not attempt to fix your mirror if you saw something you did not like right? The law of attraction works that exact way. The difficulty of fully grasping this will cause a lot of us to miss the mark on many occasions. The irony of the law of attraction is, making peace with not having something that is truly right for you, not just what you think is right***, but is actually for you, will ensure you receive it. This is because you allow it to come to you without the expectation of it coming to you. Once you expect something, you start to think about what it might look like when it comes to you. Which means, if it does come to you, who is to say you will recognise it if it is not how you pictured it in your head. We have a very hard time relinquishing control. We want to control when we get something, how it must look and all other types of unnecessary details that is not upto us to decide.
On the one hand, we admit our insignificance, but when it's time to control, we assert our significance. The basis of this is, if you genuinely believe that it is for you, then there is no need to be attached to it. Because it is already yours. What keeps you from getting it, is not being at peace with yourself without it. Not believing things are worth it without it. Not believing you can live without it. Detachment sounds scary when you hear it so ego automatically applies negative connotations. If you believed detachment was a good thing, you would be more inclined to want to detach. If you truly believed that detaching is a necessary step in getting what you believe is meant for you, you would be looking for things for you to detach from. Again, detachment is nothing more than making peace with yourself as you are right now without the things that you desire, that you want, that you believe is meant for you. But if you are accustomed to wanting to be in control more often than not (whether or not you recognise this as a trait in yourself), this is a very difficult process. Because it is asking you to surrender. It sounds unfair. Why would you work so hard for something and not get it? Because it is rarely ever about the outcome you want. What is for you cannot miss you. What detachment wants to ensure is that the person you are when your blessings start falling, is a person who can recognise those blessings and appreciate them as they are with zero expectations on what it is meant to look like.
All this being said, something having come without detaching is not a sign that detachment is not necessary. It simply means that there will be some sort of struggle in dealing with it. There will still be work to do. And that is the problem of not making peace with yourself beforehand. Even if you get it, it does not guarantee peace of mind. There will always be something else. Also, something having come without the realisation of detachment is not a sign that detachment is not necessary. We do not always realise the moment of detachment. Usually because we assign it as something else. Maybe you might say "I give up". That is detachment PLUS the abandonment of desire. So you no longer work towards getting it. Or maybe you might come to the realisation that something is no longer fulfilling you. Once you realise that, you detach from whatever it is whether you're conscious of the detachment or not.
Think about allll those times you heard people say "When I need it, I cannot find it. When I didn't need it, I saw it everywhere." There is an unbelievable amount of power underlying those simple words. And we say it so often and don't even realise. Once you are at peace with not having that which you do not have right now, if it is meant for you, it is GUARANTEED to be yours. A lot of fear surrounds the idea that we were mistaken in what we thought was meant for us. Especially if we've been working diligently for it. Work diligently on achieving your peace of mind in the exact space, situation, condition you are in RIGHT NOW. That is how you vibrate on the level of attraction of your due blessings.
Key Note: Peace of mind and gratitude go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. If you lack one, try working on the other. Detachment is the act of ensuring your peace of mind through maintaining an attitude of gratitude, whereby you relinquish control of the outcome of your desire.
***Detachment is what allows the universe to reveal what IS for you and what you THINK is for you. It is very difficult for us to discern that, especially where the desire is STRONG. If you want to know what IS for you, detach. If you want to ensure you get what you believe is for you (even though it is actually for you), detachment becomes a much more difficult process.
I won't go into details of the conversation but essentially, I believe that detaching from the outcome of a desire is a necessary step in manifesting that desire. To her, what needs to be detached from is the process, the how, of getting what you want. Now I believe this as well. Sometimes we feel we want something and God or the law of attraction asks us to just state your intention, what it is you want and take the necessary steps that you can today. Even if you don't see how that outcome is possible from where you are right now, you must believe it can be achieved. That belief is what will ensure you take the first few steps without seeing or needing to know what the next few steps would be. The more you do is the more steps that will be uncovered. So most certainly I agree you should detach from wanting to know the details of how you're going to get there. Just do what you can and must TODAY.
In addition to that, I believe you must detach from the outcome. Let me give an example.
In Charlamagne's book, The Black Privilege (if you haven't bought it yet stop sleeping on you), he has a section called "fuck your dreams". And I believe it is so powerful but just to hear "fuck your dreams" or any variation of that puts people in defence mode. Very natural reaction to have. But because CThaGod is highkey my 21st century Jesus, I was willing to hear him out before I came to any conclusions. Growing up how and where he did, and seeing people who came from where he came from becoming these grand rap stars made him feel like he could be a rapper too. How you come into realising your dream is specific to you and your dream. Point is, he had his heart set on being a rapper. Charlamagne is somebody who EXUDES gratitude. It's on the nigga's socks. Literally. Somebody in that mental state is attached to nothing because he is grateful for everything he already has. That does not mean he is not striving for more, it just means that get it or not, he will still be satisfied.
In his journey to becoming a rapper, he ended up signing a deal and started going to this studio where he had some life changing moments. He met some life changing people. Had he not gone so hard for his dreams of being a rapper, he would not have been in that studio, meeting those people and experiencing those moments. Not being attached to the outcome of being a rapper, however, allowed him to take the lessons and experiences from that journey to propel him in a new direction. If he was hellbent on becoming a rapper, he would not have taken up the opportunities granted to him that led him down a different path. Now, even IF it was the case that he was meant to be a rapper, there might be a side journey that needed to be taken on whose outcome was not a rapper but there were lessons to be learnt that would help his rap career. If being a rapper was indeed his "destiny", then no matter what other paths or no matter how far he felt he strayed, or even when the goal itself changed, it would still lead back to the goal of being a rapper. These side journeys would not be possible if he was attached to the outcome. Without these side journeys, he would not become the best rapper he could be because he would not have learnt those lessons those side journeys taught.
What is my point? Detach from the outcome. This does not mean your desire for it must decrease. Your desire is what drives you to work hard. But there is a thin line between desire and obsession. Obsession says I MUST have it. That is ego. It is what I want and I MUST have it. That's not true. Yes it is what you want, but you must have it? Says who?
Detachment is simply making peace with the idea of not having something that you really want. Again, this does not mean you should not strive for it with all your might. Put simply, "I am at peace with what I have today; I am grateful for what I have right now; everything I have right now is enough." If at any point, you believe that your life is somehow sub-par or less satisfactory because it lacks something you believe is a necessary part of it, you are attached. The only thing you should be attached to is that which you cannot escape. That which you bring with you when you die. Which is what? You don't even bring your body with you. So you're definitely not bringing that job, that car, that person, that device, that anything with you.
By no means is this an easy process, especially if it is your first time coming across this concept.
If you've watched Avatar, in the scenes where he's opening his chakras, the guru asks him to detach from Katara. Naturally, he is defensive. Because however many chakras ago, he was asked to love her unconditionally. Desire is also something we sometimes confuse with unconditional love. Unconditional love means whether or not I have you, whatever the conditions are, whatever the circumstance is, I love you. Desire introduces emotional demands and expectations. There is nothing wrong with that, it just should not be confused with unconditional love. Unconditional love is not what drives us to stay with our partners or what tries to make friendships work. Unconditional love just is. Desire is what drives us to make conscious decisions about what we want for ourselves BASED on what we claim to love. You can love somebody you will never speak to again. You can love a dead person. Desire might make you wish you could have them back but that is not love.
What is difficult for many is learning those subtle differences and also the subtle difference between preference and obsession. Yes you would prefer a certain outcome but detachment ensures that you do not become obsessed with getting it in the sense that you feel you will not be fully at peace unless you have it. Obsession indicates you are not okay with not getting it. Now there is a very subtle difference here. Your attitude towards achieving something could be one of obsession. That incessant drive to get what you want. However, the focus of detachment is on your mental state and only on your mental state. So even if you see some advice out there saying you must be obsessed with your dreams or you must obsessed with your partner, don't take it as literal as it comes. Let your drive be of an obsessive person's drive but detach from the outcome by making peace with not having it and with never getting it.
The law of attraction is hellbent on ensuring that you do not try to change your inner world by changing your outer world. Your outer world is merely a reflection. Even when you decide to rearrange your room or tidy your room because you feel it will help clear you mind, there has already been some rearranging and cleansing in your mind that is driving you to make your outer world match it. You would not attempt to fix your mirror if you saw something you did not like right? The law of attraction works that exact way. The difficulty of fully grasping this will cause a lot of us to miss the mark on many occasions. The irony of the law of attraction is, making peace with not having something that is truly right for you, not just what you think is right***, but is actually for you, will ensure you receive it. This is because you allow it to come to you without the expectation of it coming to you. Once you expect something, you start to think about what it might look like when it comes to you. Which means, if it does come to you, who is to say you will recognise it if it is not how you pictured it in your head. We have a very hard time relinquishing control. We want to control when we get something, how it must look and all other types of unnecessary details that is not upto us to decide.
On the one hand, we admit our insignificance, but when it's time to control, we assert our significance. The basis of this is, if you genuinely believe that it is for you, then there is no need to be attached to it. Because it is already yours. What keeps you from getting it, is not being at peace with yourself without it. Not believing things are worth it without it. Not believing you can live without it. Detachment sounds scary when you hear it so ego automatically applies negative connotations. If you believed detachment was a good thing, you would be more inclined to want to detach. If you truly believed that detaching is a necessary step in getting what you believe is meant for you, you would be looking for things for you to detach from. Again, detachment is nothing more than making peace with yourself as you are right now without the things that you desire, that you want, that you believe is meant for you. But if you are accustomed to wanting to be in control more often than not (whether or not you recognise this as a trait in yourself), this is a very difficult process. Because it is asking you to surrender. It sounds unfair. Why would you work so hard for something and not get it? Because it is rarely ever about the outcome you want. What is for you cannot miss you. What detachment wants to ensure is that the person you are when your blessings start falling, is a person who can recognise those blessings and appreciate them as they are with zero expectations on what it is meant to look like.
All this being said, something having come without detaching is not a sign that detachment is not necessary. It simply means that there will be some sort of struggle in dealing with it. There will still be work to do. And that is the problem of not making peace with yourself beforehand. Even if you get it, it does not guarantee peace of mind. There will always be something else. Also, something having come without the realisation of detachment is not a sign that detachment is not necessary. We do not always realise the moment of detachment. Usually because we assign it as something else. Maybe you might say "I give up". That is detachment PLUS the abandonment of desire. So you no longer work towards getting it. Or maybe you might come to the realisation that something is no longer fulfilling you. Once you realise that, you detach from whatever it is whether you're conscious of the detachment or not.
Think about allll those times you heard people say "When I need it, I cannot find it. When I didn't need it, I saw it everywhere." There is an unbelievable amount of power underlying those simple words. And we say it so often and don't even realise. Once you are at peace with not having that which you do not have right now, if it is meant for you, it is GUARANTEED to be yours. A lot of fear surrounds the idea that we were mistaken in what we thought was meant for us. Especially if we've been working diligently for it. Work diligently on achieving your peace of mind in the exact space, situation, condition you are in RIGHT NOW. That is how you vibrate on the level of attraction of your due blessings.
Key Note: Peace of mind and gratitude go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. If you lack one, try working on the other. Detachment is the act of ensuring your peace of mind through maintaining an attitude of gratitude, whereby you relinquish control of the outcome of your desire.
***Detachment is what allows the universe to reveal what IS for you and what you THINK is for you. It is very difficult for us to discern that, especially where the desire is STRONG. If you want to know what IS for you, detach. If you want to ensure you get what you believe is for you (even though it is actually for you), detachment becomes a much more difficult process.
Inspiring. Seems like these words te talking directly to me. Obviously its a process, one which will not be easy. The more i come across readings like this makes me believe more and more i have work to do in sorting my mind and trying to find inner peace. Giv Thanx
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ReplyDeleteI am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for this. A definite reminder of what i need to do with my life. I have never felt that i own anything or want to possess anything of have a direct desire for anything but i always feel like i have this lingering feeling of not wanting to let go of anything which was soo weird.I dont like to waste the vast amount of time(or the little bit of it,depending on ya mindset) i have on this planet so Ive been constantly trying to remind myself that i dont need to hold things ransom because i invested time into it. It was me who invested the time into it...its not anyone elses fault if its wasted but mine...so if i dont want to be distressed by it i jus shouldnt be. i just need to let shit go if its not in my NOW(and hopefully it will be in my LATER if it should be part of NICOLE).Work in progress indeed. Thank you for existing girl, much resonation!
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