The Death Perspective

People who know me know I have no qualms speaking about death. They know I believe that death is just the other side of the coin which birth is on. They are identical in nature. It is the law of the universe. Things must die so other things can live. The essence of all that is, however, cannot itself die. It can only transform. And to us, it looks like life and death.

We label death (and basically anything that causes us unpleasant feelings) as bad. We label it based on its effect on us specifically. "Natural disasters" for example cause us to lose homes, lives etc. so we call it a disaster. The earth doesn't think it's a disaster. It's probably just clearing out something to put something else in its place. The earth understands the laws. It does not try to prevent it. Human beings are a lot more arrogant, however, and believe they must do all in their power to prevent the things that they believe should not occur because it makes them less than happy. Death is one of those things. We would rather leave people on machines to help them stay alive for our sake. It cannot possibly be for theirs. What quality of life is that? Being bed ridden?

It reminds me of that episode of American Dad where Stan Smith goes to this veterinarian and tells her to keep his son's dog alive no matter how she does it. Y'all..if you see the dog.

So Stan brings the dog home expecting Steve (his son) to be happy his pet dog is still alive. When Steve sees the dog however, he is HORRIFIED. OBVIOUSLY. Look at it! What the hell is that? But in Stan's defence, he saw his son deeply traumatised by the death of his dog and thought the only option was to bring the dog back to life, no matter what had to be done. His theory crumbled. Had he taken the time to grieve with his child, teach him the reality of life and death, sure Steve might've been sad for a bit but he would've moved on. He's a child. He'll probably have another pet in a year. 

Anyway, this is my theory called the Death Perspective. When you keep death close, you avoid falling into the trap of taking things for granted. I am not condoning suicide BUT my commitment to honesty makes me acknowledge the fact that people who commit suicide are proven right 9 out of 10 times. When somebody commits suicide, the people who claimed to love them suddenly have all these revelations about what they could've done. "I should've left work earlier that day to go see him." "I could've spent one more hour with her." "Maybe I should've taken him more seriously." But all these things are easy to say when looking through the hindsight lens. 

But this highlights another problem with humans. We preach, especially parents, that it is wise to learn from others' mistakes. We do not have to make the mistakes our parents or the previous generation made or even the previous century. We do not have to make the same mistakes that other countries have made. We say it in theory but do we really practice that? I feel the world would've been  A LOT different if we actually did. We all know somebody who has committed suicide or know somebody who knows somebody who has committed suicide. Yet we don't change our attitude towards our loved ones. Or if we do, we do it for maybe a month, two tops, and get complacent again. 

I've made a plan for myself. Part of my morning ritual is thinking about all those I consider to be 'loved ones' and ask myself, "am I genuinely satisfied with where or how this relationship is?" If the answer is yes, then I take a moment to be grateful and I keep up whatever it is I had been doing to ensure the stability of that relationship. If the answer is no, I take a moment to be grateful for that realisation and the acceptance of it and I ask myself, "well how would I prefer this relationship to be? What can I do today that would help move that relationship in that direction?" It might be something as small as thanking them for something they did years ago that you are still grateful for today. It might be something you've been wanting to get off your chest. It might be something you've been wanting to apologise for. Whatever it is, today is the day to do it because today is all you have. I understand the fear behind it but I also understand the GRIEF behind never having done it and realising you will never get the chance to. Any time you procrastinate something like that, you take for granted the fact that this person will be around. Life is TOO short and TOO unpredictable for me to think that way. It has shown me TOO many times the dangers of living a "I'll speak up tomorrow" type of lifestyle. 

Now this does not mean death will not still be painful to those of us still alive, but at least we don't have to add the grief of regret for not having done something or having done something and not made amends. I don't know what it is about the emotional climate of today but we are so averse to vulnerability. And vulnerability is the ONLY path to TRUE strength. We try maybe for two days and then give up because "but nobody else doing it," or "but people still taking me for granted." You are not them. You are you. I'm sure many of us are quick to say that we've been taken for granted. When it's time to be the victim, all hands are up. Well if everybody's a victim, then who is the villain? When we ask well who has been taking their loved ones for granted, we're a lot more hesitant to raise our hands. My philosophy will always be to start change with the man in the mirror. What I do not like done to me, I will not do it to someone else. This is not in hopes that the same will be done for me, but rather, I do not know how much of a difference that could make in the person's life. You don't know how many lives you could save. But it's because we maybe don't see for ourselves the result of our good deeds, we get discouraged. BELIEVE that you are making a change, whether or not you can see it. And continue doing it. Do it out of sheer love for your neighbour (and yourself considering that everything is ONE) and nothing else. And watch God's blessings unfold (or whatever your equivalent of that is - karma; for every action there's an equal or opposite reaction; what goes up must come down; what you put out, you get back etc.).

Do not wait for the reality of death to shift your perspective; because then it's too late. We have the concept of death available to shift our perspective RIGHT NOW, while we still have the time. That applies to ALL life, not just human life. It applies to ALL things that can potentially die.

"Be better. Do better" - Ever Jn. Marie aka Escobar aka Junior aka my broski.