Taking Responsibility for Your Feelings

I've noticed that people respond to confidence levels. They respond to how people feel about themselves. No matter how nice, sensitive or kind you are, if you are not confident, chances are, you have complaints about people's lack of respect and appreciation towards you. In an ideal world, being a good person would be enough to grant you every thing you want.  But that's not the world we live in. Not everybody deserves all of what you have to offer. It is still your responsibility to learn discernment. WHO deserves you? How MUCH of you do they deserve? Are you confident in what you bring to the table? Do you believe it is enough? Then why do you allow others' response and reaction to make you doubt yourself. Why do YOU apologise when somebody does you something that you believe you don't deserve? Why are you apologising for being sensitive? You can be confident in your sensitivity. Embrace it. Only if you believe you are "too sensitive" will other people "make you feel" bad about being too sensitive. If somebody believes you are too sensitive, that's on them. It only reflects on you if you believe it. Being confident in your sensitivity means you choose to embrace your entire self and what makes you, you over appeasing somebody else to keep them in your life by curbing your sensitivity.

You, as a kind person, are likely to have good intentions right? What people seem to overlook is the fact that intentions are not ALWAYS well represented and they are not ALWAYS well received. This has no bearing on your actual intentions. If you trust your intentions are pure, you shall be confident in it. Maybe you might try a different way of portraying your intentions, but that still does not guarantee its reception. There's a quote that says "we do not see things as they are, we see things are we are" but do we understand just how real it is in everything? Before information is processed, it goes through a veil of our perception. How do we perceive ourselves? That has WAY more bearing on our feelings than what others do or say to us. If you believe you are kind and are confident in your belief yet somebody accuses you of being unkind, chances are your feelings will be protected. You will not react to information that you do not feel fits your perception.

The beauty of taking responsibility for your feelings rather than asserting that somebody "made you feel" a certain unpleasant way, is having complete control over your feelings. People's words and actions will have less and less of an effect on you. You will be slow to react and quick to understand. If you are a kind soul and you believe somebody has made you angry and you respond with anger, guess what label is attributed to you? (The fun part is, some reactions do deserve your anger but the more times you get angry at things, the less validity your anger has.) Your kindness is overshadowed by your anger. If you are an angry person, people will see you respond angrily and think "that's just them..they usually get angry." If you are slow to anger, when you do get angry, people are more likely to judge the situation than the person. If you get angry/sad/upset at everything, how do you know what really deserves these reactions?

If you lack confidence and/or have a negative perception of yourself, people will respond to that lack. This might mean they overstep your boundaries because they know you won't speak up for yourself. They could also take advantage of you knowing you have difficulty saying no. They might make you feel like you're not enough because they know you'll just continue trying to do more to please them. NOT everybody has the same heart as you, which is why it is YOUR responsibility to guard your heart against those who are prone to taking advantage or even those who inadvertently take advantage. You cannot expect everybody to respond to the intentions you are trying to portray. But best believe they will respond to assertiveness. They will respond to your ability to say no. They will respond to your ability to stand up for yourself and refusal to be taken advantage of. Nobody will care about your feelings as much as you do and that is the harsh but beneficial truth. They have their own feelings to guard. As do you.

A tip for being slow to react is to stop, breathe for 10 seconds, then assess what the person's intentions might have been. If you are unsure, ask questions. Whatever emotion you feel arising from the person's actions, ask yourself if the emotion is warranted. You will know it is warranted by how well it lines up with your perception of yourself. It does not matter how somebody else is responding, all you have control over is your own feelings. You cannot control what other people say and do to you. You can ask somebody to not do something a million times and they might continue to do it. Are you going to get upset every time?

Take responsibility for your feelings. Avoid wanting to control other people's actions. Be confident in your abilities and characteristics. Be confident in your ability to say no. Stop apologising for being yourself. Stop believing people can MAKE you feel anything. Know that not everybody has the same heart as you. Know that you see things as you are and not as they are. Remember intentions are not ALWAYS well represented by the action meant to portray it (with yourself and with others..which is why it is important to understand before you react). Remember that even the best represented intention is not guaranteed to be well received. KNOW your worth and nobody will be able to tell you differently. Trying to appease people by curbing what makes you, you is co-dependent. Expecting people to appease you (whether or not you actually deserve that) by curbing what makes them, them is co-dependent. It is okay to realise that once you accept yourself wholeheartedly, there will be people who might move away, try to change you, start to hate you but most importantly, you will have your TRUE tribe gravitate towards you. What is more important? Being yourself through and through or holding on to relationships for the sake of seeming loyal or seeming persistent or not wanting to seem like you can't keep a man/keep friends. You wouldn't have to try so hard to "seem" a certain way if you are confident that you ARE that way. Live confidently.