Little Big Lessons

Let's see if I still know how to do this.

Thank you for your patience, if you've been wondering when next I was going to drop a lil sumn sumn. I wanted to wait until I had some profound thing to share but the lessons have been coming in like raindrops, so it's hard to keep up. Also, something being profound is usually in the eyes of the beholder. So maybe there'll be a nugget in there for you if need be.

Ya girl is pregnant. And this is how I got here:

So this journey been one long ass rollercoaster ride. If anything, I've been learning how to say less. So it's been hard to write because I like to explain things in detail but I also want to keep things short and sweet.

This period has been about transformation, for me. I feel like it's been that for a lot of people as well. If you've felt stagnant for a long time, or you've been putting off something you think will be life changing, I think the discomfort with where you are has either become is becoming unbearable.

I've learnt to look at discomfort as simply adjusting to my new, healthier normal. The person I've envisioned myself to be, the life that I want for myself, these things require sacrifice. Sacrifice of certain habits, behaviours, mindsets, people, situations, relationships etc. There is a strong chance that a lot of these habits, mindsets and stuff make up a great deal of my identity, so getting rid of them feels like getting rid of who I've come to know myself as. Luckily for me, I'm a Scorpio moon and Scorpio deals with death and rebirth a lot so I'm not that resistant to letting myself die in order to be reborn. I understand it's for my greatest good so I allow all the emotions to come and go so that I may shed my old skin, metaphorically speaking. I'm fully aware that this is not an easy experience for most. Letting yourself die can create A LOT of discomfort, especially if you've become attached to certain parts of your identity and feel like you need it to survive. You don't know how you're going to function as this new person, this new identity. You might lose people you don't feel ready to lose. It might put you in situations that you feel you're not ready to deal with. Diving head first into the unknown is not something many are willing to do. But like I said, the discomfort is enough for me to know that anything is better than what it is right now and I will gladly sacrifice the right now for the unknown. Also, the unknown is always painted as something scary..but right now for me, I feel excited about it. Yes there might be new challenges but there'll be new joys, accomplishments and such.

I'm looking forward to new channels of happiness and I'm accepting of the challenges that come with it.

My faith is unwavering. I genuinely do not know how else to explain why I'm so okay with death. I'm not arrogant enough to worry about the world moving on without me. That's a given. I can decide to remove myself from people's lives and they might not even notice and that's okay. If my absence isn't felt then my presence surely wasn't making a difference so there's no loss there. I embrace my insignificance just as much as I embrace my significance. I've had a few people ask me about my blog while I haven't been writing and I really downplayed the significance of that. But I appreciate that so much. People are reading and looking forward to my words. ME. LITTLE OL' ME. That's humbling. I've even had offers to be paid to write (please see my rates at the end lol). Chile... Writing has always come so naturally to me but I never acknowledged it as a talent. I think I'm starting to give myself credit though. I was trying to avoid stroking my own ego but downplaying my talents is not actually a good alternative.

Balance.

This time has been extremely difficult emotionally and I've felt abandoned by people I expected to show up for me. I've gone through moments of feeling EXTREMELY lonely. And I probably cried for a full weekend because I'm wondering how on earth I'm meant to raise a child and I can't even handle being alone (don't ask what one has to do with the other..that's just what I felt at the time lol). I went to see my aunt and we were discussing something and she alluded to the idea that I need to get comfortable doing things on my own because there's going to be a lot of that and although I might not have shown it in the moment, I felt those words pierce straight through my heart and it's stuck with me. 'Get used to doing things on your own.'

Faith.

Faith in my own resilience. Knowing that I'm capable of bouncing back from anything life throws at me. I have to know that. Knowing that being presented with a problem is the same as being presented with a solution. Where I've been looking for a solution, I now release and allow it to come to me. I let go of the need to control. Do not let my ease in writing cause you to think that ease transfers into doing (although it can if you're able to alter your deep seated beliefs about what comes easy and what is difficult).

Divine Feminine

I've been learning a lot about manifestation alongside learning about how the divine feminine comes into play. As we know, women are the portals/bridges between a higher dimension/plane and this one. We are vessels. We bring souls into this world. The ability to manifest is something that seems like it should come naturally to women. But look at how women are treated in today's society. I will provide you with a link that goes into more depth about this. Please feel free to listen at your own leisure, it is VERY insightful. She says it is for the ladies, but men, please listen if you are interested. It is just as important for you to know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lvK_BvCBio
(1hr 27mins)

Being pregnant has brought a greater awareness to me of the power that resides in me, that resides in every person. It has just been dormant. And I believe that without this experience, I might've gone on to continue allowing this power to be dormant. Now that I have another life to think about, my actions do not only affect me. Everything I do will affect this little person. Now I really have to give thought to the direction of my life, what I want for myself in regards to being in a healthy enough space to create a healthy environment for little person. All my lessons had been leading up to teaching me to take control of my life and creating the future that I want for myself. I continuously chose (whether consciously or subconsciously) to make excuses to not do that; to avoid taking responsibility for myself.

The longer you take to put the lessons of your mistakes into action, the greater the consequences become. It is in your best interest to take heed of your lessons as soon as possible. Do not dwell on mistakes, on whose fault it was, on why you can't overcome..yes it feels difficult but it's simply a question of how serious you are about creating the future you want for yourself-I guarantee your life situation reflects how serious you are. Take responsibility. Or make excuses... it's upto you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USsqkd-E9ag
(2mins)

I've been wanting to create a more interactive space. Ask me questions (my exclamation mark on my laptop doesn't work but I want to put one here to show my enthusiasm). I will create more posts based on the questions asked to give it some more context and make it a little more helpful. You can send me private messages, I won't reveal who asked what. I will try my best to answer them with the lil insight God blessed with me.

That's my update. Hope it wasn't too long. I'll be working on a few writing projects so the content I used to put out might not be as often because I want to create something a little more condensed. So they will come, but not in the form of a blog. I will continue posting any updates that I feel inspired to share. I will also use this space to answer all those existential dread questions and philosophical questions you might have.

And in conclusion, if you would like me to write for you :), feel free to message me privately. I will create a flyer for my rates so you can share to help your girl out too, please and thank you.

Also, I'm having a girl so baby stuff is welcome :). Be blessed.