I Do

I was having an issue with a friend of mine when I remembered something I've read and seen countless times; whenever you're riled up about another person's actions, be sure you're not reacting to something you see in yourself. After much thought about the issue, I came to the conclusion that my friend, with all their wonderful intentions, was acting from a place of subconscious thoughts and pattern and their actions were more likely to reflect those than their intentions. There was a disconnect. I checked in with myself and realised I was guilty of the same thing. I tried my best to show that part of me compassion and I soon became a little more forgiving, understanding and patient with my friend.

Conscious, deliberate action.

That is the theme that came to me this morning and has stuck with me and I'm sure will ring in my mind throughout the course of the next few weeks. There are 4 phrases that I think are very helpful to refer to when looking to make changes within your life (a mixture from material I've read). 

I think. I feel. I do. I am.

I've come to understand and realise that thoughts produce feelings and not the other way around. Your feelings, at their root, are a belief held about yourself, others, the world, God..whatever. You can trace emotion back to a thought. This realisation has been fundamental in my growth. Many of the beliefs you have may have been adopted subconsciously during childhood and may be able to explain many of the behaviours you currently exhibit; behaviours that you want to change but find it very difficult to do so. Introspection is necessary. I became intimate with my emotions by allowing myself to feel them first. I don't rush to get rid of them. I sit with it for a while in compassion. Soon enough, once they have felt seen, they lead me to the thought that gave birth to them. I then have the chance to decide what this means for me. Is this a belief that serves my growth? It might be easy to fall into the trap of "it's not my fault I have this belief; I don't have control over what I subconsciously accepted in childhood."And it's easy to fall into that trap because it's true. But while it might not be your fault you have the belief, once you are aware of its existence, it becomes your responsibility to do something about it. Do not waste your life by blaming others for where you are. Take your power back by becoming responsible for yourself and for your life.

So, thoughts/beliefs affect the emotions and your emotional reactions to things give insight into what beliefs you hold, whether consciously or subconsciously. Your feelings are the gateway to understanding what might be holding you back. Your feelings are not the problem. Sit with them, let them lead you to the beliefs that hold you back. You'll be surprised at what you may find.

I started out with this understanding because the biggest hindrance to change/growth/action is limiting beliefs. It will be very difficult to try something new without first checking and dealing with limiting beliefs. A simple awareness of them can make a difference. More needs to be done to make lasting change but awareness is the first step. We are creatures of habit. The trick is to create habits that promote growth rather than keep us comfortable. And as we grow, we must learn to keep creating new habits. Habits that helped you make your first million, or helped you write your first book, or helped you get that new job might become habits that limit your growth when you're on your 7th million, 10th book or 4th job. Remain aware. Change as necessary. 

Another key to finding out what your limiting beliefs are, as I mentioned in my first paragraph, is to look within for the behaviours we see in others that get us riled up. Does it make you angry, sad, frustrated? What parts of yourself do you respond to with anger, sadness and frustration?

Now..the biggie...

I DO 

I attended a workshop a couple months ago and heard something that also caused a major shift in my thinking. "Knowledge is not power; Action is power." And if that ain't the goddamn truth. I've read so many books, done so much research, so much soul searching, gone to so many workshops..and yet there I was, at yet another workshop. The facilitator asked "why did you come here?" and chose a few people to answer. When it came to choosing the last person, hands were up and he couldn't decide..so my motivated ass stood up and started to speak lmao. You gon' hear my testimony tuhday! As soon as I stood, it came to me. It hit me. The reason I seek so much knowledge is because I was expecting something to switch on (or off) that would immediately make me a new person. All my research had become an excuse to avoid doing the actual hard work of change. I talk a good talk but I am only now learning how to REALLY walk my talk. I am ready to step into exactly who I know I could be. 

I was completing a task yesterday and caught a glimpse of a passing thought; how do I get this work done without actually doing it? I wanted the form I had to complete to look complete but instead of just beginning to complete it, I spent a few seconds thinking of how to avoid doing the work. Soon after I realised how RIDICULOUS I sounded. And that's the attitude I've been applying in too many areas of my life. I know how I want it to look, but the one thing that will get me there is the one thing I try to avoid: the work. The idea of how much I have to do is daunting. So instead of seeing it as "I want to write a book" and believing I need to finish that book today, I create a plan and simply do the task of that day that contributes to the entire goal. I'm sure we've heard this advice many times but for some reason it doesn't always stick. I think it was Will Smith (correct me if I'm wrong) that said you don't have to build a wall in one day. All you need to do is lay one brick as perfectly as possible everyday. In no time, you'll have a wall and won't even realise you already did it. Look to your major goal as inspiration, for purpose but focus on your smaller, daily goals because that is where your power is. One well laid brick per day. Everyday. How you lay it may look different on certain days because life has its ups and downs. Some days you need to rest and that is laying your brick. Some days you need to go into overdrive and that is laying your brick.

We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. Who we are to ourselves is not always who we are to others. Writing this blog today was my promise to myself to make a conscious, deliberate action. I've been putting it off for months! It is also me putting my own blog post into action. I aim to be living proof of the ideas I share in this blog. It would be hypocritical of me to share something with you that I don't abide by or have not tried myself.

I know sometimes it can be difficult to embody the knowledge we have because we're not sure what that looks like so i will use myself as an example. 

Conscious intention: I am going to make a blog post today (I think)

Action: procrastinates/starts but doesn't finish/conveniently finds something more important to do (I do[n't] do)

Emotions: disappointment, fear, worthlessness, frustration, anger, apathy, comfortable (I feel)

Unconscious, limiting belief: I'm not as good as I used to be, it won't make a difference, it won't be good enough, it's not going to get that many views, what if it's trash? (I think)

Options:

1. Being aware of limiting beliefs, I can remind myself they are as true as I make them. I take action in spite of those beliefs in an effort to silence them. (I do)

2. Introspection: Why do I think theses things about myself? Where did this negative self talk come from? What evidence do I have that contradicts those beliefs? (I think)

3. Action based on outcome of introspection. (I think better thoughts and therefore produce better action)

New belief/realisation: I love my mind and how it works. I am worried about criticism because of how much I value the way I think. I realise I associate my thoughts with a huge part of who I am and I am learning to not take things personally. I am enough for me. (I think)

Action: write the hell out this blog and publish the shit out of it (I do)

Emotions: fear, relief, joy, pride, compassion, gratitude, nervousness (I feel)

This is one example of how it might look and a very simplistic view for the sake of time, space and clarity. Remember, it took me months to get here. I went back and forth with the components of this methodology. It was in no way as straightforward as it might appear. Take note of the fact that you can have conflicting thoughts and seemingly conflicting feelings. Also note that my initial actions were in response to the more powerful thought (the subconscious thought). Also also note that certain (so called) 'negative' emotions do not automatically disappear as a result of having done the work and that is okay. I still have work to do on my limiting beliefs but I owe it to myself to take action alongside and in contribution to my healing work. Also also also, your new belief/realisation does not have to be all positive and glamorous; it can simply be a very real and honest understanding of where you are currently.

Thank you for reading.

Something (else) to think about:

When a couple says their "I do's" to each other, note the tense. I do. Not I did, not I will do, but I do. I do today, tomorrow and forever. In every moment, I make the conscious decision to do. Commit to yourself and your dreams everyday. Renew your vows daily. Keep them fresh. The same way we forget the promises we made years ago to our spouse, we can forget the promises we made to ourselves. Make the effort of putting those vows into practice everyday. When something becomes a habit or a way of life, you do not need to rely on memory. 

It takes 21 to 66 days to form a habit (https://examinedexistence.com/how-long-does-it-take-for-something-to-become-a-habit/) 

Thank you again.

"To learn requires two things: knowledge and action. To know is not enough; to learn you need to act. There is no shortcut. You must do the necessary work to become proficient."

-Everistus Jn. Marie

BOOKLIST (to be updated)

Trust - Iyanla Vanzant
The Seat of the Soul - Gary Zukav
Acts of Faith - Iyanla Vanzant