The Social Media Stage
Thank you for clicking! I'll try my best to make it worth your while.
Stage (def):
1. a point, period, or step in a process or development;
2. a raised floor or platform, typically in a theatre, on which actors, entertainers, or speakers perform.
I am so grateful for social media. I used to be one of those "act like they're so much better for allegedly not being a social media junkie". But Jah know I loved me some twitter. Facebook could not stay deactivated. Luckily though, not wanting to be a hypocrite made me question my addiction. I used to ZOB twitter (twitter peeps from 2010/2011 could tell you) because those were my first years in England and I was lonely as shit. I made a few friends but even after 7 years, that yearning to be back in St. Lucia hasn't left. Twitter was my way of feeling at home. Lucian twitter was my digital home. And Facebook has a lot of sentimental value to me lol. It's like having an ex that you know you can't leave alone no matter who else comes along. Twitter is for the real RAW you. Facebook is for the "you" that people have become accustomed to. At least that's how I tend to view it.
As much as I endorsed the views about technology taking over our lives, there's one idea I never really took to. "Social media ruins relationships." There's a tweet I just saw from @UberFacts that triggered this post.
"Facebook causes you to overestimate how happy your friends are, and can make you more depressed."
Really? I just went to look for it and when I clicked on it somebody responded with similar sentiments as me. "No. Our narcissistic tendency to turn admiration into envy does. Blaming Facebook for depression completes the false victim loop." (S/o @OwenBenjamin whoever you are). I wasn't going to go so ham but this does apply in many cases.
So many thoughts sparked in my brain after reading that. "Facebook causes"..that alone threw me off. Facebook is a platform. It does not have a mind of its own. That's like saying a table caused you to stub your toe. No. You weren't being mindful of where you were walking and THAT caused you to stub your toe. I'm clumsy as hell lol. But every time I injure myself due to not being mindful, all it does is remind me to be mindful. Whereas before, whatever inanimate object I walked into, it would get a serious cussing. I might even tump it up if it hurt enough (sometimes further injuring myself..sounds dumb right?).
Then, "overestimate how happy your friends are" caught me off guard again. If you're over 21 (you thought I was going to start singing In Too Deep eh..hehehe) and still believe that people are living the lives they post on facebook, please reevaluate your perspective. You don't even know everything about your best friend so why do you think you know exactly who Susan is and what her life is about by looking at what she CHOOSES to post to social media? I know a few people, some really good friends included, that post the negative sides of their life as well but even they don't put EVERYTHING on there. They still CHOOSE what to post. I always say to people, go through your instagram, go through your facebook, read your tweets; what kind of person would you say that is if you were somebody else? Your life looks nice because that's what you want to portray. That's what you tend to take pictures of. Some people post for attention. Whatever the reason, people's post are consciously chosen and so it is important to be mindful of people's intentions. I had a friend who used to be crying to me at least once a month about how much she's going through but her snapchat and IG stayed litty! Not saying there's anything wrong that, I'm just saying stop looking at people's social media to figure them out. Social media will show you what that person wants to portray themselves as (some people are more accurate than others about their reality).
"And can make you more depressed." If you haven't read my "Taking Responsibility For Your Feelings" blogpost, please feel free to do so after you've read this one. (Is it a shameless plug even if I'm advertising in another post? Okay I'm getting distracted.) Nobody can "make" you anything. I won't repeat what I said in that post but if a person cannot "make" you anything, then a platform most certainly cannot make you anything. Whatever it is you feel, is a result of what you already think about yourself. If seeing other people happy makes you depressed then there is something you need to deal with in yourself. Especially if seeing your friends happy is depressing to you. Deleting facebook won't change what's wrong. There will simply be another avenue that highlights the issue you have.
Which brings me to the main idea: Social media is an avenue, a stage, for people to present themselves. Funnily enough, what you don't post also gives you away. Social media highlights the difference between who you are and who you want to be (you post what reflects who you want to be more than who you really are). It highlights the things you are most proud of and the things you are ashamed of (you post what you're proud of and shy away from what embarrasses you). It exposes your insecurities and fears (the things that happen in your life that you hope are never publicised). Only when social media is not acquiescing to our intentions for it do we begin to blame it for everything that is wrong with us/the world. In the same way, we blame people for pointing out our flaws to us because we do not like to face ourselves. Our true selves. The self that includes your shadow side or your dark side.
I had a conversation with an ex (hey boo lol) a couple days ago and I was telling him about some plans I had for myself; things I wanted to execute this year. I believe he began to say "how come I always hear you planning but I don't hear anything about it afterwards." I THINK that's what he really wanted to say (shady right? lol). But either he saw my face change or he checked himself and ended up making a joke about something else. Initially, I was embarrassed. Part of me was ready to end that call. I wanted to be angry at him but I knew damn well why I reacted how I did. It was already an insecurity of mine; always planning and rarely executing. I'm very visual but I haven't fully grasped the "doing" as much as I would like. Ironically, I did a hell of a lot after that conversation. And that's all because I realised something I did not like about myself, took responsibility for it and did what I could to make a change in that present moment. Had I gotten angry at him for his honesty (because that's what it was and I always welcome honesty), I would've never jolted myself into action. I would've been sulking all day wondering how he could say that. He could say it because it was TRUE.
It's the same thing with social media. "Facebook ruins relationships." "Twitter makes it easier to cheat." How about we change those to "Facebook reveals what your partner is really upto" and "your partner is using twitter to make cheating easier." Once you blame social media, you absolve yourself of all responsibility and nothing changes.
The best thing I could've done for myself was take a hiatus from social media and get to know myself a little better. It's so easy to get caught up in these things when you're unsure of yourself. You get influenced SO easily when you aren't properly rooted in your own beliefs. Once upon a time I would take "UberFacts" to mean everything they post has to be true. It has the word "facts" in it. If a profile had a verified tick, I'd think "that person must know, they're verified." But what does one have to do with the other? Are the profiles not manned by fallible men? Do scientists not produce studies that they are paid to produce? When marijuana was the devil, where was the evidence stating the contrary in the science world? Now that they're trying to legalise it, SUDDENLY the science is there to prove its benefits? No sah... (I just had to get that off my chest...soz guys).
Stop letting social media use you and learn how to use social media. My Facebook feed is full of things I want to see and people I care to learn from. Complaining about your feed will not change it. If you're scared of the repercussions of unfriending somebody, then just unfollow them so you don't have to see their posts. Don't worry, you don't have to admit to anybody that you're scared except yourself. If I didn't want to deal with the confrontation that might come from unfriending somebody, I'd just change the settings so they didn't appear. My twitter feed is strictly people I care to learn from. That "unfriend" and "unfollow" button changed my life y'all. What didn't change my life was complaining about things I rather not see that I have the control to remove. But not everybody wants change or to change. Some people rather remain a victim. Some people prefer to live the life of a complainer. That's much easier to do than actually change (at least in the short term). Trust...I know.
One quote I saw that sums this up nicely was, "Be a good person. Don't waste time trying to prove it." If that ain't the goddamn truth. We're so focused on looking the part that we lose sight of what we need to do to BE the part. "BE as you wish to SEEM." (That's my favourite quote in life. It shall be inked into my skin at some point). Social media is an avenue for the "seeming" part but you are in charge of "being". You will drive yourself crazy trying to ensure people see you a certain way. It will seem like the better option at first but it will become increasingly difficult. Focusing more on "being" will seem challenging initially but it will get easier with time. Learning to let people talk shit about you or think negatively about you is probably one of the hardest hurdles to jump over. But it is SO worth it. You feel so FREE and you attract REAL people. Once you've had that, it's hard to go back.
TIP: The things people don't like about you give you insight into their own insecurities (e.g. I know there are people who have an issue with the way I "preach" but a lot of the time it's because they wish they had what it took to do the same - and if me saying that makes them dislike me more or causes more of an issue then that's further confirmation lol - their denial means nothing to me). You can laugh at them in your head to feel better. That's how I started out before I learnt how to react with love. (But remember, the things you don't like about others reveal something about you too. So be mindful of that.)
Get off the stage for a second. Reevaluate. And if you still feel to, return to the stage. And remember you're not an actor in somebody else's play, you're the main character in your story. What do you need to do to BE that person that you want to portray?
One Love.
Stage (def):
1. a point, period, or step in a process or development;
2. a raised floor or platform, typically in a theatre, on which actors, entertainers, or speakers perform.
I am so grateful for social media. I used to be one of those "act like they're so much better for allegedly not being a social media junkie". But Jah know I loved me some twitter. Facebook could not stay deactivated. Luckily though, not wanting to be a hypocrite made me question my addiction. I used to ZOB twitter (twitter peeps from 2010/2011 could tell you) because those were my first years in England and I was lonely as shit. I made a few friends but even after 7 years, that yearning to be back in St. Lucia hasn't left. Twitter was my way of feeling at home. Lucian twitter was my digital home. And Facebook has a lot of sentimental value to me lol. It's like having an ex that you know you can't leave alone no matter who else comes along. Twitter is for the real RAW you. Facebook is for the "you" that people have become accustomed to. At least that's how I tend to view it.
As much as I endorsed the views about technology taking over our lives, there's one idea I never really took to. "Social media ruins relationships." There's a tweet I just saw from @UberFacts that triggered this post.
"Facebook causes you to overestimate how happy your friends are, and can make you more depressed."
Really? I just went to look for it and when I clicked on it somebody responded with similar sentiments as me. "No. Our narcissistic tendency to turn admiration into envy does. Blaming Facebook for depression completes the false victim loop." (S/o @OwenBenjamin whoever you are). I wasn't going to go so ham but this does apply in many cases.
So many thoughts sparked in my brain after reading that. "Facebook causes"..that alone threw me off. Facebook is a platform. It does not have a mind of its own. That's like saying a table caused you to stub your toe. No. You weren't being mindful of where you were walking and THAT caused you to stub your toe. I'm clumsy as hell lol. But every time I injure myself due to not being mindful, all it does is remind me to be mindful. Whereas before, whatever inanimate object I walked into, it would get a serious cussing. I might even tump it up if it hurt enough (sometimes further injuring myself..sounds dumb right?).
Then, "overestimate how happy your friends are" caught me off guard again. If you're over 21 (you thought I was going to start singing In Too Deep eh..hehehe) and still believe that people are living the lives they post on facebook, please reevaluate your perspective. You don't even know everything about your best friend so why do you think you know exactly who Susan is and what her life is about by looking at what she CHOOSES to post to social media? I know a few people, some really good friends included, that post the negative sides of their life as well but even they don't put EVERYTHING on there. They still CHOOSE what to post. I always say to people, go through your instagram, go through your facebook, read your tweets; what kind of person would you say that is if you were somebody else? Your life looks nice because that's what you want to portray. That's what you tend to take pictures of. Some people post for attention. Whatever the reason, people's post are consciously chosen and so it is important to be mindful of people's intentions. I had a friend who used to be crying to me at least once a month about how much she's going through but her snapchat and IG stayed litty! Not saying there's anything wrong that, I'm just saying stop looking at people's social media to figure them out. Social media will show you what that person wants to portray themselves as (some people are more accurate than others about their reality).
"And can make you more depressed." If you haven't read my "Taking Responsibility For Your Feelings" blogpost, please feel free to do so after you've read this one. (Is it a shameless plug even if I'm advertising in another post? Okay I'm getting distracted.) Nobody can "make" you anything. I won't repeat what I said in that post but if a person cannot "make" you anything, then a platform most certainly cannot make you anything. Whatever it is you feel, is a result of what you already think about yourself. If seeing other people happy makes you depressed then there is something you need to deal with in yourself. Especially if seeing your friends happy is depressing to you. Deleting facebook won't change what's wrong. There will simply be another avenue that highlights the issue you have.
Which brings me to the main idea: Social media is an avenue, a stage, for people to present themselves. Funnily enough, what you don't post also gives you away. Social media highlights the difference between who you are and who you want to be (you post what reflects who you want to be more than who you really are). It highlights the things you are most proud of and the things you are ashamed of (you post what you're proud of and shy away from what embarrasses you). It exposes your insecurities and fears (the things that happen in your life that you hope are never publicised). Only when social media is not acquiescing to our intentions for it do we begin to blame it for everything that is wrong with us/the world. In the same way, we blame people for pointing out our flaws to us because we do not like to face ourselves. Our true selves. The self that includes your shadow side or your dark side.
I had a conversation with an ex (hey boo lol) a couple days ago and I was telling him about some plans I had for myself; things I wanted to execute this year. I believe he began to say "how come I always hear you planning but I don't hear anything about it afterwards." I THINK that's what he really wanted to say (shady right? lol). But either he saw my face change or he checked himself and ended up making a joke about something else. Initially, I was embarrassed. Part of me was ready to end that call. I wanted to be angry at him but I knew damn well why I reacted how I did. It was already an insecurity of mine; always planning and rarely executing. I'm very visual but I haven't fully grasped the "doing" as much as I would like. Ironically, I did a hell of a lot after that conversation. And that's all because I realised something I did not like about myself, took responsibility for it and did what I could to make a change in that present moment. Had I gotten angry at him for his honesty (because that's what it was and I always welcome honesty), I would've never jolted myself into action. I would've been sulking all day wondering how he could say that. He could say it because it was TRUE.
It's the same thing with social media. "Facebook ruins relationships." "Twitter makes it easier to cheat." How about we change those to "Facebook reveals what your partner is really upto" and "your partner is using twitter to make cheating easier." Once you blame social media, you absolve yourself of all responsibility and nothing changes.
The best thing I could've done for myself was take a hiatus from social media and get to know myself a little better. It's so easy to get caught up in these things when you're unsure of yourself. You get influenced SO easily when you aren't properly rooted in your own beliefs. Once upon a time I would take "UberFacts" to mean everything they post has to be true. It has the word "facts" in it. If a profile had a verified tick, I'd think "that person must know, they're verified." But what does one have to do with the other? Are the profiles not manned by fallible men? Do scientists not produce studies that they are paid to produce? When marijuana was the devil, where was the evidence stating the contrary in the science world? Now that they're trying to legalise it, SUDDENLY the science is there to prove its benefits? No sah... (I just had to get that off my chest...soz guys).
Stop letting social media use you and learn how to use social media. My Facebook feed is full of things I want to see and people I care to learn from. Complaining about your feed will not change it. If you're scared of the repercussions of unfriending somebody, then just unfollow them so you don't have to see their posts. Don't worry, you don't have to admit to anybody that you're scared except yourself. If I didn't want to deal with the confrontation that might come from unfriending somebody, I'd just change the settings so they didn't appear. My twitter feed is strictly people I care to learn from. That "unfriend" and "unfollow" button changed my life y'all. What didn't change my life was complaining about things I rather not see that I have the control to remove. But not everybody wants change or to change. Some people rather remain a victim. Some people prefer to live the life of a complainer. That's much easier to do than actually change (at least in the short term). Trust...I know.
One quote I saw that sums this up nicely was, "Be a good person. Don't waste time trying to prove it." If that ain't the goddamn truth. We're so focused on looking the part that we lose sight of what we need to do to BE the part. "BE as you wish to SEEM." (That's my favourite quote in life. It shall be inked into my skin at some point). Social media is an avenue for the "seeming" part but you are in charge of "being". You will drive yourself crazy trying to ensure people see you a certain way. It will seem like the better option at first but it will become increasingly difficult. Focusing more on "being" will seem challenging initially but it will get easier with time. Learning to let people talk shit about you or think negatively about you is probably one of the hardest hurdles to jump over. But it is SO worth it. You feel so FREE and you attract REAL people. Once you've had that, it's hard to go back.
TIP: The things people don't like about you give you insight into their own insecurities (e.g. I know there are people who have an issue with the way I "preach" but a lot of the time it's because they wish they had what it took to do the same - and if me saying that makes them dislike me more or causes more of an issue then that's further confirmation lol - their denial means nothing to me). You can laugh at them in your head to feel better. That's how I started out before I learnt how to react with love. (But remember, the things you don't like about others reveal something about you too. So be mindful of that.)
Get off the stage for a second. Reevaluate. And if you still feel to, return to the stage. And remember you're not an actor in somebody else's play, you're the main character in your story. What do you need to do to BE that person that you want to portray?
One Love.
Comments
Post a Comment