Communicating Through Reverence

Guise! Thanks for still clicking even when I'm not the most consistent (that took me too long to spell..poor). Just got further confirmation that I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing right now. S/o Thorn on the ones and twitters. Lol we just confirmed that we know each other from the same place..church. It really made me think about my upbringing in the church.

Communication is a beautiful thing guys. It's so diverse. Imagine the different ways in which we use words so creatively and it is only 7%. Imagine all the different communications that take place simply based off of body language or tone of voice. "It's not what, it's how" is interpreted, for me, as "It's 7% what, 93% how". Align your efforts appropriately.

(http://www.lockhart-meyer.co.uk/salon-body-language-tips-that-give-the-right-impression/)

I was having a conversation with my Love yesterday about a pet peeve that we share and as we were speaking, I started to pick up on something about communication. I wasn't sure at the time but today made clear what I was trying to communicate. (Funnily enough, we had a conversation about communication which actually improved our communication..crazy concept right? Lol we outchea progressing). 

We, humans, tend to have an issue, especially in the Caribbean, in regards to respecting people's boundaries. It starts in the home, a lot of the time, and spreads outward. The home is where you learn a lot of the values you're meant to sustain throughout life. So where you do not learn certain values, life becomes more difficult to manage..all due to unresolved issues, missed lessons in childhood or misinformed advice passed down. When the collective is use to this, whether it be healthy or not, it is taken as the norm. What is "normal" is simply defined as being generally accepted at the time. Acceptance means very little in this context. If a woman accepted abuse as a way of life, would you say that's okay because it's "normal"? Do we seek to perpetuate more of what is "normal" or are we dedicated to promoting what is beneficial to ourselves and others? Because the society we are in today makes the two mutually exclusive in many circumstances. 

It is not an easy task differentiating "unhealthy but normal" from "healthy but taboo" from "healthy and normal but perverted" etc., but it is definitely worth practicing. For me, the first time I began wanting to know things for myself rather than just absorbing what I was being told, I tried to make a mental list (and consequently a physical list) of what beliefs I can come back to to help me make the differentiation. Eventually, I ended up adding so many things to the list that it became impossible to remember everything. Still committed, I had to try a different way to learn how to differentiate, and quickly too. Well some situations require quick thought. I was ignoring the device already built in me to at least begin the process of deliberation. My intuition. Those gut feelings that you get when expose to particular events or situations, sometimes shared with people from all different backgrounds. Where you even see babies getting teary eyed to the sound of beautiful music or a beautiful voice. Where little kids become philosophers in their high chair and can come to a conclusion that eating an animal is wrong (to them) even when it seems normal to do in their household. Then they justify themselves by acknowledging the animals as sentient beings, showing empathy. I vow to never be so arrogant as to dismiss a child as incapable of teaching me or being a source of inspiration. 

When you allow yourself to clear your mind of habitual thought..when you decide to quiet your mind and not allow it to produce programmed thoughts..you hear you. The real you. Not who you "think" you are and for sure not who other people "think" you are. It's just you. When you leave your phone home for a day, you came back to check what messages and calls you received right? Check in with yourself the same way. See what you might've missed during the day. An opportunity you overlooked. Somebody you unintentionally offended. A chance to make somebody else's day better. See what made you proud of yourself that day! What did you accomplish? In what areas were you better today than yesterday? Did you make a reconciliation you've been putting off? Remind yourself of what that day offered that made you feel gratitude. Think about them for as long as you desire. Think about the different ways you can find that feeling again the next day. Be creative. Don't just seek to do the same things because of the feelings you've attached to it...GET CREATIVE. There are so many things to be grateful for and you have your whole life to explore them. I promise if you find a thousand a day for the rest of your life, there would still be billions more that you could have found.

This is one of the ways that I meditate, either at the end of my day, or at the end of a tough period of time for me. It allows me to get into this very honest and raw space. I can feel myself as much as I want, I can criticise myself as much as I want, I can openly talk about my insecurities and there would be nothing or no one to judge my thoughts. I can just have them. No matter how positive or negative they end up being, I was allowed to think them. And from thinking about them and being honest about them, I am able to know myself a little better. And getting to know myself intimately allows me to assess what I need to be doing to become the better version of myself. This is an extremely delicate practice for me because the honesty sometimes becomes overwhelming and you already know, the tears will begin. I am in a raw space. My energy is extremely vulnerable.  As much as I'm a crier, there are certain people I have not become fully comfortable crying in front of. So my cry becomes that weird thing in your throat where mans can't even speak right and...it's a mess. I much prefer to cry in comfort lol and get the healing I need. So I need complete solitude. I cannot deal with anybody trying to get my attention or disrupting my mediation. 

All these events and thoughts highlighted to me the importance of reverence. I know what that meditative technique does for me. For you, it might not be what I've described. Maybe it's playing video games, or a sport, or reading a book, or writing...something that you do where you can just be. Even if for only a moment, you can just be. 

Growing up in the church, I would hate kneeling down and standing up every 5 minutes (or at least that's what it felt like). I couldn't imagine anybody actually enjoying these subtle exercises these Christian rituals tried to sneak on you. Genuflect before entering the pew. Make the sign of the cross when you're about to pray. Clasp your hands, close your eyes and maybe kneel down while you're praying. But I've come to realise that prayer is their form of meditation and they take it very seriously. You see it in their demeanour. You see it in the way they are reverent of their beliefs. What I realised today, is what those thing communicated to me. What that body language was saying. I allowed words (7% of what constitutes communication) to separate me from something "healthy and normal but perverted". I am not religious, but there are religious people who are capable of using religion to achieve higher consciousness (or whatever your personal life end goal is). It is not "religion" that is the issue. Religion is a tool. It can be used for good or bad. You wouldn't say a wrench is bad. Or a hammer. Maybe if it was used by a murderer to kill a loved one or something but the tool itself still is not "bad". You become so used to people using the bible to justify their prejudices and defend their disgusting behaviour that you forget there might be people actually focusing on using it to unify, rather than divide. Where there is light, there is dark. Which means where there is dark, there is light. 

So that phrase that says, "if you're not careful, the media will have you hating the oppressed and loving the oppressor," I find the oppressors do a good job by taking what is in fact healthy and normal but perverting it. Subtlety is key. It's the same thing with sex. These things which persist but haphazardly. People don't want to abandon the idea but they also know it is not good for them to indulge in the "normal" mindset towards it but feel guilty from actually receiving joy from it. That's why people are ashamed to speak about sex in the same way they get ashamed to say that they believe in Jesus or that they follow certain traditions of their belief. (Obviously some people are more open about these things than others). So having now determined religion as healthy and normal but perverted, I have been able to open myself up to learning from it and I learnt the importance of one if its many lessons: reverence.

Whatever your form of "checking in with yourself" is..be aware that that is your sacred space. Be reverent of it. Do not be ashamed of it. If there is a way of making your body language such that if somebody sees you, they will probably think twice about disturbing you, do that. You teach people how to treat you. Treat your sacred space with respect and they will have no choice but to follow suit. You must be consistent. Do not allow yourself to be disturbed. Do not allow a difference in the words you use to describe the same essence cause shallow division. Do not fear not being accepted by those who decide to indulge in the shallow division. Those are the people who only see you as long as you fit into their box for you. You are more than that box. And there are many boxes that people will try to fit you in. And no two look alike..so good luck fitting into all. 

Be mindful of the tone of voice in which you speak about your beliefs. Also be aware of how others come to you about your beliefs. If you speak about it as if it's a joke, it will be taken as a joke. Is it easy to want to brush it off as "yeah I believe in that crazy stuff" but you teach others that you do not respect your own beliefs. They can think it's complete hogwash but the more consistent you are in showing reverence towards your own beliefs, the more mute the naysayers become. Agreement is not necessary, respect is. Even where people wait for you to hold a mistaken belief and you actually end up changing your mind about that same something you felt strongly about...STAND TALL. You are allowed to change your mind in the light of new information. You are allowed to take the time you need to learn lessons others may have already learnt and that is okay. The content is 7%. You are allowed to change your mind. How do you PRESENT your beliefs? In your body language and in your tone of voice? If you are not confident about sharing your beliefs, go to your sacred space and ask yourself why. And answer honestly. Do you not think you have enough information to defend your position? Learn more about it. Are you scared of rejection? Think about the type of people whose acceptance you seek. You think your beliefs sound silly? Are they in fact silly? Decide whether they are or not and either chuck them or defend them. Do what you must to treat your beliefs with reverence and in turn express them with confidence. 

In the same way you must be reverent of your beliefs, be reverent of your feelings. Your feelings come to you as messengers. And you know the saying, "don't shoot the messenger." So do not write off feelings as the bad guy for letting you know what is going on beneath the surface. Let your feelings come to you. The ones you love and especially the ones you do not like. The ones we label "negative" usually carry more lessons/messages or those lessons/messages that carry more weight than others. It is a part of us we sometimes feel a slave to. Where knowing better but refusing to change begins creating cognitive dissonance. And not wanting to internalise that, we lash out and shoot the messenger..whether it be new information, your feelings or an actual messenger. Understanding my feelings as messengers, allowed me to learn how to control my responses. Being aware of the message allows me to respond more peacefully or more productively. Before I saw them as messengers, I saw them as triggers. In the same speed a bullet would take to hit its target after the trigger is pulled, that's how quickly I would react. When I saw them as messengers who took their time to come to me, I carry the message with the same deliberate, conscious force. 

Many times I have not treated my emotions with reverence, especially the ones that are deemed "soft" because I fear losing the plot by people abandoning my intellect to focus on me being "emotional" because of course, that is what is expected from women. It's as if an emotional response is enough to make the actual content null and void simply based off the idea that women are expected to be emotional. "She's just being a woman." Never mind she's running for president, starting a business, CEO of a company, a full time mother...none of that matters once you pass the "just being a woman" test. (And how the hell do you keep calm about being persistently and repeatedly belittled anyway?!) Being intuitive and conscious of emotions is feminine energy NOT exclusive to women. And they are powerful tools. Side stepping them because it seems "soft" or "gay" is doing yourself a great disservice. In order to what? Be accepted by people who don't let you express your emotions freely?Every single person experiences emotions. Be wary of people who pick and choose which emotions you are allowed to have. You can get so angry to the point of wanting to kill somebody or fight somebody and your friends think it's okay but you can't cry? You can be happy happy joy and people flock to you but they don't accept you just as much in your sadness? Because THEY feel uncomfortable? So they're feelings can take precedence over yours? Why? Draw your line between being selfless and being people's door mat. Let that be your gift to yourself. 

By respecting my feelings, I communicate to others that they are required to respect them as well. Again, agreement is not necessary, respect is. People are allowed to feel. I had to learn that the hard way several times. Sometimes it was me being insensitive towards a friends' feelings and being called out on it or feeling my own feelings were not being heard, acknowledged or respected. What I realised about "venting" is that, again, it is a tool. "Venting" does not necessarily mean this person does not know how to process their emotions but it could be their method of processing it. Even if they do not show their resolve or practical solution (which they don't really owe you anyway tbh), and all you saw was them "venting", pause before you judge. That may simply be their route towards peace of mind. But only when YOU show people how to respect your feelings and remain consistent about it, will you start to attract that energy and feeling of your feelings being respected. It will always start with you. Every single time. Whenever you get the urge to wish somebody was different, or did something differently, or acted in a different way..take a pause. Direct that energy inward. Direct that energy towards something you can control. Pause before you react. Respond to those messages with deliberate and conscious thought. In respecting other's emotions, you try to understand why they might be feeling that way. Allow yourself the same graces..the same empathy. Try to understand why you might be feeling a certain way. Find the source of the emotion (by welcoming it..not trying to reject it): some thought. And interact with that thought. That is where your power lies. 

Through reverence, you communicate (not just verbally) with others exactly what your boundaries are. That is your responsibility. People will take as much as you give. "Takers rarely set boundaries." Sometimes we are the takers and other times, the givers. And when in doubt, "treat others how you would like to be treated." It really is that simple. And where you believe it is difficult to do, it should make you more understanding when the same act is done to you or attitude expressed towards you. "If I can do it, anybody can do it." In the same way, "If I can't do it, why should I expect anybody else to?"

Thank you for reading 💓