Generation of Distrust's Plea

It really hurts to see when people post things like “trust no one” and “it’s just me, myself and I” or any other phrase implying their satisfaction with being alone all of the time and trusting themselves only (if that!). I used to do it. I knew how I really felt. I wondered how many other people also chose to lie to themselves like I did. My mistake was in thinking that requesting love was weak. What I realised was weak was masking it as confidence in and with myself. It reminded those I keep around that they should be constantly proving to me that they are worthy of being trusted. They were unexpectedly thrown into a constant battle to prove themselves worthy of my friendship. By not acknowledging them as trustworthy or worthy of my friendship, I communicated to them that they are not worthy. And as they began to believe it and accept it, they started giving up. I interpreted that as just another sign that you can’t trust anybody or that nobody is loyal. I believed nobody cared about me enough to be constantly in search of my acceptance while arrogantly giving them no reason why this would benefit them. If I insisted that there was something for them to benefit from this battle for my acceptance, then surely I’m suggesting that they SHOULD TRUST ME. I’m saying they should trust that I’m telling them the truth; they should trust that their investments in me shall be returned above and beyond. But what grounds do they have for doing this? And even when they still did it, I had the nerve to publicly express my distrusting ways. 

If I trusted no one, that would mean I have a complete lack of faith in humanity. But that included me. Did I really convince myself that out of the billions of people on this planet alone (far less those other beings in other universes) that I was the only one with good intentions? If not me, my mother at least? Can’t even trust moms? So I’m left with the consequential options of either not trusting myself or being arrogant enough to think I, alone, was worthy of trust. (If you can live with the latter then go for it my man..lol I just think it’s a lonely road). 

I cannot express the joys of having a group of peoples you can genuinely trust. Phrases like “birds of a feather flock together” and “show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are” are sayings because they do have value but not the superficial value we try to give to it nowadays (which seems mostly applicable to ‘hoes’ and ‘dogs’). What are your conversations like? What are the things y’all have in common? Can you be honest with them? Can you be honest with yourself around them? When I think about all those times ONE person in a group chat decided to be vulnerable and reveal something and everyone else just echoed their struggles. If you don’t trust, you don’t allow yourself to vulnerable. If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, you become less susceptible to being disappointed, yes, but you also become less susceptible to being rewarded. No risk no reward. We take risks like driving through blizzards to get to work but won’t allow ourselves to trust our closest friends? You’d rather die than get heartbroken or disappointed? Well, if that’s the case, just make sure you’re not breaking hearts and disappointing others. To be part of a solid support system and reap its benefits, you must contribute to it. Like a soosoo. You’re getting back what you put in. A solid support system is of incalculable value. A solid support system cannot exist without trust. That being said, friendship is not a business of tit for tat; ‘someone who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected’. So treat your friends as ends in themselves and not as means to reach selfish ends. Appreciate them. Genuinely.

Sometimes the hardest part is trusting yourself; trusting that you’ll recover from any potential disappointment. Don’t you know you are resilient af?! Test it out! You’ll end up forgetting that you were expecting disappointment and finally enjoy all aspects and benefits of the friendship. You’ll be too busy loving and being loved to remember you were ever hurt. You’ll live for the future instead of dwelling on the past. Your future is FULL of possibilities. Don’t be so busy trying to patch up holes in your past and half assing friendships to prevent more holes that you deny yourself some of the greatest joys the universe has to offer; that of the beauty of friendship. We live in a time where we’re the ones embarrassed for being publicly wronged and punish ourselves for being GOOD PEOPLE. We call ourselves, and others, stupid and naïve for being brave enough to trust others while being part of a selfish society.

Basically, in order to have good friends, you need to be a good friend. Be the first to be vulnerable. Be the first to cry. Be the first to say “I miss you.” Be the first to say “I love you.” Be the first to say “you hurt me!” Be the first to say “sorry”. Because there is nothing more beautiful than receiving a love just as genuinely as you give it. A love like that cannot exist without trust.

To my true friends (which should be a redundant phrase), I LOVE Y’ALL SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!! Thank you for continuously choosing me.