"Confusion-ships"

This is what happens when you don’t put labels. We all know there are cycles in life. So you (lady) meet a guy and he’s an advocate of “a bond is stronger than a title”. So you believe him because you have this amazing bond and you don’t want to screw it up. Then things get rocky and all of a sudden, that lack of title invites all types of subtleties and uncertainties. Things you were sure of or even things you never thought of or never thought would be a problem start to creep up. For some reason, he gets to dictate the rules of having this title-less bond. For some reason, his transgressions are not even really transgressions, as stated by the invisible ink on that contract you didn’t sign because in the framework of that confusionship, ‘transgressions’ cannot exist. He never vowed to be loyal to you. He just ensured you that there was a bond and that bond was stronger than the title you were seeking, making your treasured title of “woman” or “girlfriend” obsolete. Here’s where things get interesting.

YOU are definitely capable of transgressions. Remember, what you thought was a compromise was you just letting him have his way while leaving you with the illusion of a relationship. So while his outside activities allegedly have no bearing on you or the bond you both share, you somehow are not capable of the same. Because you’re “wired differently”**. And this is the subtlety that a confusionship so often allows. It preys on the already dominant (usually patriarchal) ideals that are ALSO full of shit. BUT since they’re accepted, men feel comfortable using it as a defence. Even more subtlety is seen because the truth is, MEN AND WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY WIRED DIFFERENTLY!** And here’s another slammer for you: A BOND IS ACTUALLY INDEED BETTER THAN A TITLE!** But just like any other phenomenon, people have the ability to use it as they please. And unfortunately, not everybody is going to use it for good. In fact, I think I’m gonna go on a whim with no statistics and say more people probably use them for selfish and deceitful purposes. That’s just based on observation and stories. Stories like these are way more abundant in MY experiences of life. And I don’t mean that happens to me more often than it doesn’t, I mean I see it happening more in general than not.

I say that to say this..be careful, ladies. Be smart. I know he seems like everything you dreamed of and that connection is undeniable but is having that connection worth losing your peace of mind? Is it worth you being continuously uncertain about where you stand? Having a strong bond without labelling anything is AMAZING during times when things are going great! He might even bring up examples and remind you how good you are together and how much fun you guys have. He might go a step further and microaggressively ask if YOU WANT TO RUIN THAT! Can you believe that? Lol he wants to know if you want to ruin a situation where he has full access to you and others but you are tied to him and only him for no REAL reason. Sadly enough, many women sometimes genuinely don’t even want anybody else. So you feel trapped. You’re not but that’s how you feel. And there’s nothing wrong with having feelings. Your feelings let you know what you’re thinking. So dig deep into those feelings and see the thought that is causing you to remain in a situation you know full well you are dissatisfied with. It might be insecurities, lack of self worth, low self confidence, it could be anything. Whatever it is, find it, acknowledge it and work on it every..single..day.

Men, just fucking do better.

** I plan on writing separate pieces for those ideas so don’t think I’ve just made outlandish statements with no supporting arguments. I ain’t crazy.