Discernment

Thank you for your patience. Let's just get into it, shall we?

I've seen countless posts, statuses, pictures about how hard it is being a good person. And how good people always get the short end of the stick. And 'my toxic trait is that I love too hard'. Let's get real for a second.

This 'woe is me; look at how hard my life is when all I do is good; people don't appreciate all I've sacrificed' attitude is played out. It might be hard to hear (or it might not) but it gives off a very victimised energy and as though you are helpless and don't take much responsibility for the direction of your life. It is not your good heart that steers you wrong. It is not your selflessness that gets you hurt. It is not your trustworthiness that gets you manipulated. It is your lack of discernment. Having a good heart is a wonderful thing to have. Don't knock being a kind person because you feel as though kind people should have some kind of better life and you don't feel that's the case with you. You can be kind while lacking common sense - an example of this might be the story of the man who helped the sick snake and nursed it back to health. Once the snake was healthy again, it bit the man and injected poison into his bloodstream. The man wondered why the snake would do that to him after all what he did for the snake, to which the snake replied, 'you knew what I was before you saved me.'

This also reminds me of a phrase/proverb that I saw recently that essentially sums up the idea that hope does not make up for what common sense can handle. If you are aware of the fact that a situation is dangerous and instead of avoiding it, you go into it 'hoping it works out' then how can you be upset when it doesn't?

I am a strong believer in the necessity and benefit of embodying faith, hope, kindness etc. But too often we believe that embodying these things is all there is to do. We think our work is done. But that is childlike thinking. At some point, we must come to realise that discernment is an important part of navigating through what we eventually come to realise; which is the truth of life being fair only to the extent that everybody gets dealt their fair amount of bullshit and hardship. Faith without works is dead. Hope without common sense is a set up. Kindness without discernment is a slippery slope.

I have heard far too often and also believed it at some point in my life, that we should avoid judgement. I've come to find this a very...unrealistic outlook when not explained properly. Judgement is far too important a skill to completely do away with. Proper discernment, which is just the ability to judge well, can be the difference between life and death. And like any other skill, it takes constant practice to refine it.

There are so many superficial things that confuse us. There is this thing called 'pretty privilege' which allows what society generally dictates is an 'attractive person' to be given certain privileges that are based on the superficiality of looks. How your face looks is not an achievement (unless you've done a bomb ass makeup job to ENHANCE your looks instead of turning yourself into a different person); how your body looks is not an achievement (unless you've put in the effort and time to create and maintain a well put together body); how your hair looks is not an achievement (again, unless you have put in the time and effort to take care of it so that it looks and grows in a healthy manner). Essentially, somebody being pretty does not give you any indication of their character. But so many times we are mesmerised by beauty that we forget what is important. And when you put prettiness on a pedestal, you have gorgeous people growing up believing all they need to do to get ahead is be gorgeous. Then they get to an age and realise they have nothing to offer. Pretty and handsome as ever with absolutely zero substance. Not cute.

You cannot be lured in by someone's beauty and give them the world and then try to place all the blame on them when over time you realise, there is no future with this person. Had you practiced discernment earlier, maybe you would've gotten out of that situation earlier or maybe never have gotten yourself into it in the first place. At what point will we take responsibility for the Ls we have taken in life? Some things are most certainly other people's faults and that we have no control over. But is there any way we can learn from this L that makes us wiser and less susceptible to the same harms we've previously experienced?

That being said, some harms are just outright unavoidable. There is little to nothing you can do to avoid the inevitable. Death, for example, is unavoidable. We cannot control when we die or when others' die (unless we're the ones doing the killing, of course). So where discernment cannot protect us, we must learn resilience. Mental and emotional fortitude is necessary for getting through life's more tough times. And it allows us the peace to enjoy life's blessings. 

Let us move away from the victim mentality and move towards stepping into our power. You might not have all control over life but the parts where you do have control, utilise it fully. Do not allow life to happen to you. Do not be an observer of your own life, an onlooker. Be an active participant in life. Do not sit around and wonder what the future will look like. Decide the future you want for yourself and do everything you possibly can to make that a reality. 

Let us stop fearing responsibility. Every new level of ourselves requires us to step up a little more and that can seem scary. But sticking to the problems you know means you are not growing. Make peace with your past and make space for the new challenges and blessings that life has to offer. The more difficult the challenge, the greater the reward for getting through it. Find yourself a wonderful support system and a great spiritual practice and prosper, YOU HEAR ME? PROSPER. YOU DESERVE IT. YOU WERE NOT PUT HERE TO BE MEDIOCRE. YOU ARE THE BEE'S KNEES. NONE OF US ARE MAKING IT OUT ALIVE. LET US SEE ALL WHAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

This has been inspired by my transition into motherhood :). Maybe I might post a little blog about that because I know some of y'all came looking for updates. S/o to baby zaddy and Fran & Flav and the people I saw in St. Lucia who asked me when I was posting again and everybody else who has been looking forward to my next lil piece of work. Your patience is admirable lol. Thank you.