The Midnight Owl

It really hurts to see when people post things like “trust no one” and “it’s just me, myself and I” or any other phrase implying their satisfaction with being alone all of the time and trusting themselves only (if that!). I used to do it. I knew how I really felt. I wondered how many other people also chose to lie to themselves like I did. My mistake was in thinking that requesting love was weak. What I realised was weak was masking it as confidence in and with myself. It reminded those I keep around that they should be constantly proving to me that they are worthy of being trusted. They were unexpectedly thrown into a constant battle to prove themselves worthy of my friendship. By not acknowledging them as trustworthy or worthy of my friendship, I communicated to them that they are not worthy. And as they began to believe it and accept it, they started giving up. I interpreted that as just another sign that you can’t trust anybody or that nobody is loyal. I believed nobody cared ab...

This is what happens when you don’t put labels. We all know there are cycles in life. So you (lady) meet a guy and he’s an advocate of “a bond is stronger than a title”. So you believe him because you have this amazing bond and you don’t want to screw it up. Then things get rocky and all of a sudden, that lack of title invites all types of subtleties and uncertainties. Things you were sure of or even things you never thought of or never thought would be a problem start to creep up. For some reason, he gets to dictate the rules of having this title-less bond. For some reason, his transgressions are not even really transgressions, as stated by the invisible ink on that contract you didn’t sign because in the framework of that confusionship, ‘transgressions’ cannot exist. He never vowed to be loyal to you. He just ensured you that there was a bond and that bond was stronger than the title you were seeking, making your treasured title of “woman” or “girlfriend” obsolete. Here’s where thin...

You write in your diary for months upon months and find solace in reading your own stuff. Then for some reason, when you put yourself in the shoes of some possible audience, self doubt ensues. “Why would anyone but me find this interesting?” Well.. why did You find it interesting? Aren’t there people you know personally who might find it interesting? And then someone suggests to you that you should write for the public eye. I believe in signs and this one is in the form of opportunity. Yet still, I manage my settings. “Only me.” Hopefully by the end of this month, I would’ve blogged myself into having the courage to change this setting. Maybe this is the best way to be raw. Then again, anything to convince myself that I’ve made the right choice. Ahh, the beauty of free will. We think there’s a right path and try to follow it; as if at the end somebody will confirm for you that you made the right decision. There is power in trusting yourself to do what is best for you. There is sat...